M.A.E. Chats: 20s Birthday Reflections, Change, and the Trenches

Join us in this intimate conversation as we share our 20s birthday reflections, delving into the trenches of personal growth, young adulthood, and the lessons learned along the way. As we celebrate Ava and Elle's 23rd birthday, we're taking the time to reflect on the journey so far, from navigating the challenges of my 20s to embracing the growth mindset that has helped us stay focused on our dreams. In this sister chat, we'll be discussing the importance of self-reflection, future planning, and navigating life transitions, all while offering advice and insights gleaned from our own experiences as young adults. Whether you're looking for adulting tips, seeking to understand the complexities of life in your 20s, or simply wanting to connect with someone who's been through similar struggles, this conversation is for you. We'll be talking about the growing pains and triumphs of this pivotal decade, and how it's shaped our perspective on life milestones, relationships, and chasing aspirations. With a strong emphasis on our sibling bond and the value of sister talk, we hope to inspire and motivate you to embrace your own journey of self-discovery and exploration, as we navigate the ups and downs of life together.

Watch The 20 Something Playbook Episodes here: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1Rs9oUYUlEcNigeakfAcHDyKl2mSlAJ6&si=8zPCw5kYA_bQCQE1

Chapter 3 of The 20 Something Playbook: https://youtu.be/vyVZJWe9iPs?si=zrOacLgV41O6sG5N

M.A.E. Chat from last week: https://www.youtube.com/live/FJfwF3tyk5c?si=iqTHTW1UepjlVvdb

Follow us @20SomethingPlaybook on IG and TikTok

Transcript:

I was thinking about the other day, I turned 26 this year. This is Avanel's birthday episode, but I'll put in my two cents here. I was thinking the other day about how the 20s, one of the hardest things about the 20s is that it's full of peaks and valleys and you know, like peak and valley and peak and valley. And I think that you think in your 20s, okay, so this is what I'm going to articulate this properly. what you think is gonna happen in your 20s almost never happens. So that's it's like you have you have a goal, right? And think that that goal is going to make you happy. And then that goal doesn't happen. And so then you have to figure out how am I going to be happy without achieving this goal. And you also have to figure out this has been a big you also have to figure out your self-worth um without achieving that goal. And it doesn't mean you're not going to even achieve the goal, right? Like say you have like for us, we have a long-term goal of screenwriting and creating stories and storytelling and acting and screenwriting and stuff that we make. That's the long-term goal. Do you have an example with yourself you could give us right now? I have millions of examples. I think like there's so many minute like it's like every week there's a goal that doesn't happen. But I think okay, let's see. I'm trying to think of a really specific one. I'm going to just say to defend her, she's very hard on herself and she's usually been very successful in life. It doesn't mean that you're not successful now, but she got used to being successful easily and now things are coming a bit harder. Doesn't mean you're not talented. doesn't mean you're not skilled. I say this to her a lot and it's just that just because things don't come right away doesn't mean that you're not talented, not skilled. Like a job for example, I know it's been a hot topic for us recently. Um just because you don't get a job or an interview or you know XYZ, it does not mean that you don't have the skills, the talent or the Well, it's just like this the this like the 20s have taught me patience. The 20s have taught me that you need to have patience with things and that's something I think the 20s is teaching you patience. I don't think you've learned the lesson yet. And I'm also looking at us in this thing and we are so squashed together. Like Maddiey's sitting on my left thigh. We we we had to arrange, you know, adjust the setup. Yeah, we look so cozy. But I realize also this mic thing is making me not able to cut you guys off. So maybe this is a good thing cuz I keep wanting to say something and I'm like I can't cuz I don't have the mic but it's all stupid stuff anyway so has nothing to do with anything. Yeah, go ahead. It's okay. Um so yeah I think like okay so I'm going to give an example of like the contrast between I'm 26 10 years ago I was 16. I'm gonna give the cont I'm gonna give the change. Okay so when I was 16 yes let's hear it. So at that age everything I want so so at 16 I'm gonna give one example. So, when I was 16, sorry, I was telling her to lean into when I when I was 16, I went out for an audition for a TV show. I'd never acted before, but I was really talented at dance. And this specific TV show was looking for people who were actually dancers who could act. So, I go I This is like one of the first auditions I've ever done. No acting experience. It was the first. Was it the first one? I think it was the first one. Well, cuz we all got our first one. Oh, yeah. which is which is also like never happens, right? So, setting yourself up for like crazy expectations. So, I auditioned for this show. I'm also every night manifesting like writing down I don't know why I wanted this role so badly. Like I honestly don't know why, but I just for some reason was on a roll in my life and I was like, you know what, I'm going to make this happen because I I was curious about acting and stuff already because I was dancing all the time. So, I was Yeah. So, so I watched because we we had a musical theater. Um, we had a choreographer at our dance studio who studied Broadway, not studied Broadway. He choreographed for Broadway. I was studying Broadway dance with him. Um, and I Do you want to add that you thought that you'd be able to have like a penthouse apartment? That was funny. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm trying to like Yeah. So, I I was intrigued. So, the goal was like I loved because a couple people I knew from my studio went to Julliard. So, at the time it was like that was the thing and I previously the year before got into this um concert dance company called Cedar Lake which was like super prestigious, hard to get into. I got into their summer intensive program which was a step to getting in. And we drove to New York for the auditions like and then after that experience I was like okay great. Like I feel like I'd have a chance to get into Jiuliard and I don't mean that arrogantly. I was just like this feels like a possibility. And my whole plan was I wanted to live in New York City, study acting, dance, and singing, end up on Broadway, and live in a penthouse in New York City. And my parents were like, "Okay, amazing. Love that for you." But you know how expensive it is to live in New York City. And also being a dancer, you're not making that much money. Like if you're whether you're a Broadway or concert dance, like you're making maybe $30,000 a year, right? So, and so, so those are all things playing out in my mind. back to the audition. I'm manifesting every single night. I'm writing down I want to get this role, all this kind of stuff. And like a month later, I get a random call um that I got the role. First audition I've ever done. I'm on a TV show and then also I' I do that TV show and I don't think they're going to ever have me back cuz I was like, I don't think I did a really good job. Like I did my best, but like I never acted before so it was only so good. And then I get a call like you know six months after we filmed the first season. They're like oh we'd love to have you back if you take acting classes. I was like wonderful. I've always wanted to learn acting. I will take acting classes and yada yada yada. So like that that was at 16. And also mind you like every area of my life like living my dreams and doing what I want to do and like you know it was very linear. It was like I want this thing I got. It's like that Ariana Grande Grande song. It's like I like it, I got it. I want it. I got it. I want it. I got it. It's like that was me and and it it wasn't even from a like I worked super hard but I also got really lucky. So it was like a mix of like working really hard and getting lucky at the same time in getting the things I wanted to get. And so and I was making like tens of thousands of dollars for for like a couple months over the summer. So like I was I was doing really well for a 16 17 year old. Flash forward 10 years later and being 26, I have no job. I haven't worked in a really long time and I haven't like I even just up until last week, I wasn't getting any interviews for anything I was applying for. And all the things that I want to do and my dreams just aren't happening. So, it's been a journey of feeling like the 20s have felt like a very long valley. like being a teenager felt like this peak in the 20s. It felt like a descent down into the valley and I think a lot of us feel that way because but it but also I think the gift of the 20s and the gift of this time of life for me and I know I'm rambling here on this but it's a good better than my answer. Thank you. The the gift of the gift the gift of not getting what you want the gift of not getting what you want in your 20s and trying to figure out because because we even talk about this in screenwriting, right? It's like when you're writing a character, it's always like what's the character's goal? And the character's goal is always what they think is going to make them happy and then they go on this journey to realize that that goal actually wasn't going to make them happy and they learn the lesson, right? So that's what my 20s have been is like having all these goals, thinking the goals are going to make me happy and give me a sense of self worth. Yeah. Continue. That was Thank you for Yes, you are. Thank you because I had none. I'm going to say this is that you were saying that the things that you think are going to make you happy don't. Which is so true. However, something has happened to me recently that I thought was going to make me happy. And it actually did make me happy. And I'm going to Should I share? Was it the ice cap that Jenna brought you this morning? No, I'm just kidding. No, that wasn't funny. Um, no, that was so funny, Eva. Um it for me it was actually I'll get into what my 23 has looked like so far and that's working. Um which you won't hear the end of since I have a full-time job. Um but that is something that has made me happy recently is working but not for the reason that you think. It's not because I'm making money or which does make me happy, but it's like it's not like I'm like, you know, raking in the dough or, you know, like I'm, you know, I've got a full-time job, but it's still like an internship and stuff, whatever. Um, what's made me happy because I know myself is the socialization, which I know we talked about briefly in the last episode we did here. Um, but my 20s has been I remember thinking like a few months ago like you know if I had a job and I was making memories and because I am serotonin dominant. Have we talked about this? We have. Yes, we've mentioned just look at our previous we'll we'll link that one in the show notes of navigating the job market. We talked about brain chemicals and how everyone's dominant in different brain chemicals. And we were watching Carlos Alcarez's documentary My Way last night. And like I could be, this could be a wrong assessment, but I think he is also serotonin dominant. I was laughing at the TV because literally like everything he said I was like, "Oh my gosh." No, I'm just I'm losing the feeling in my left leg. Oh, okay. That's not important. Um, I know, but you don't need the mic to say that. Anyway, um, Carlos Alcarez, we're watching his documentary. If you haven't seen it, you don't want it to be spoiled, then just don't maybe watch this part. But it's like he's just talking about his life. So he talks about how he needs like family time, time with friends, like socialization, relaxing, all that stuff, he needs that to stay happy and to stay loving tennis. Because if he does too much tennis and too much of like the robotic kind of work that he, you know, like he's always doing press stuff, always doing training, always doing that stuff, he loses his love for tennis. Yeah. and um and like he just values f like he's happiest when he's like talking to people you know with his family and friends and like that is Ava and I we are in fact social very um I love time with my family like my birthday let's go back to the birthday is literally our dream birthday was what we had this year and it was my best friend came over for a sleepover Maddie A and I and my best friend sitting in our backyard drinking bubbly, having pizza, having cake, and just chatting for like hours. That is my ideal birthday. And that will forever be my ideal birthday. I don't need a big party. Although, if I have a big party and I'm socializing with the people I love, I love that too. Sometimes we have big shindigs at my aunt's house. Love those, too. But that kind of stuff is very important to me and I need it to stay fulfilled and happy. And I just thought that was interesting that I was like, "Okay, Carlos Alcarez is like literally one of the like I think the most popular name in tennis right now and he still needs like time with family and time with friends." And my whole family was laughing because like this is literally Avanel. Like we always are like guys like if we're working a lot we're like guys like we need time to just like chill. Can I add something? It's actually serious this time. Sorry. Um, he also said something that I thought was interesting that his worst fear is his passion becoming an obligation. And I totally agree with that. I think everything that I do, I want to enjoy it. I don't want it to feel like work and an obligation. And I know that there's going to be days where you're doing your passion and, you know, you're tired or you don't necessarily want to do it. But if it overall starts to feel like something that you don't want to do, like that would be a huge problem. What that was like staring outside. I'm listening to what you're saying. There's a bunch of sailboats going by. Oh, you're staring into the abyss. Yeah. But I think it's important to be aware of yourself and knowing what that looks like for you. For him, again, this was kind of controversial. Like even in the documentary it was like he wanted to go party in Abiza for a few days and his whole team Yeah. before Wimbledon and his whole team was like that's a terrible idea but he went and he won Wimbledon. So like was it a terrible idea? I don't know. Maybe he just knows himself and what he needs. But finding that balance is really interesting. Yeah. Speaking of knowing yourself, I think the 20s is a time to get to know yourself. And I know there's a lot of things out there on prompts. Like I I recently saw this thing about ask, you know, like know the answer to these questions before you get in a relationship. And I actually don't believe in that or agree with that because you're not going to know until you're in it. Like you're not going to know who you are until you're put in a situation that reveals who you are. Super quick. That makes sense as to why. Who was it? One of our guests said this and they were like, "If you get in a relationship in your 30s and it was like who?" I think it was Dow Jane's. Brit. Brit. It was Britt. Okay. One of our guests said this, so if you haven't watched that episode, you should go watch it. We'll link it in the show notes. We will link in the show notes. Um, she said that people when they get together in their 30s, they will literally like get married and have children within like a year or two. And I think it goes back to what Maddiey's saying, which is that they know themselves a lot better. in their early 30s than they do in their 20s. And Maddie is saying with like the whole relationship thing, like in your 20s, you're still kind of figuring yourself out and figuring out what your values and everything is. So, I just thought that was interesting. Yeah. And to your point as well, I think the reason you know yourself better later in life is because you've experienced more things and you've learned things about yourself through those experiences. Like even the serving job, I feel like I learned a lot about myself. I learned that even if I don't love the work that I'm doing, as long as there's interesting people around me, I can have some fun. I learned that about myself. Like, and that's what's actually inspired me to have a full-time job, you know, while we're waiting for our dreams is because I was trying to get the mic. I feel like everyone wants to do that right now. But, um, where was I? I lost my train of thought now because I had to make No, no, no. Okay, wait. No, I was going to say um is that that's what inspired me to get a full-time job is because I realize that even if I'm not doing, you know, my most intense passion in life. As long as I'm surrounded by interesting people and I'm learning something new, I feel like I will be intrigued and I will have fun. So, I learned that about myself in 22. There we go. I answered the question. Finally, 20 minutes in. I'd say I had a similar thing. Actually, mine was exactly the same. Except for me, it was that like it was I didn't realize it until I lost all the jobs I had and then I was left with nothing. And then I was like, "Oh shit." And that was really hard. I was like, "Oh my god, you're telling me that I have nowhere to go." I find people very interesting. Ava and I think both find people very interesting. I find them I find them interesting, too. I think we're all We actually all have a good level of curiosity. Yeah. Maddiey's very curious about everything. I'm just curious about some things. No, I just want to say too that I had this really funny realization the other day that I when I don't have somewhere to go, I feel like lame. Like you know when you're like I have nowhere like not and I don't mean that like I don't feel like I'm a loser or anything. Like I'm happy. It's fine. But like I feel like when you don't have anywhere to go it's like boring, you know? It's like there's nowhere even if it like even my serving job like it was like I said I did not enjoy the work. I did not enjoy doing that. I was on my feet all the time. I'm a naturally lazy person so I didn't necessarily enjoy that. But I enjoyed having new memories and new stories to tell what she tried to grab. Okay. Pull harder because I will not let go of this thing easy. Give her the hook. Sorry. Were you done? I don't know where I was going with that. Okay, you can go ahead. No, another thing that came to my head that's changed since being in my 20s with my teens is that when I was in my teens, everything was very performative. It's so true. It was all about like I don't even know like I just the other day I was like, "Oh, wow." Like I'm in a very non-performative era and I think that's why I'm happier. No, low key guys, she was a robot when she was in her teens and I love 20s. Maddie, high five. A thanks. Yeah. Well, she's she's reverted to her true self. And I'll say that, and I feel like anyone who knew her in her teens can probably see this. She was very intense, very robotic. It was almost like all the love in her. Alarez's worst nightmare. Yeah. It was almost like all the love inside of her was stone. And it's not that it was like I didn't feel like you loved me. It was just that I almost felt like you weren't um again, you said it was performative. you weren't being yourself. It was It was and her 20s has been her becoming back to her true self. And I think it's been really beautiful to watch. And there was a phase that you had where you had like a photo of your young self on your It's still there. Still Oh, it's still there. Okay. Well, maybe that's what's keeping her in check. I don't know. But she's got this photo. I think it was like some sort of ritual thing. Not ritual. That sounds so witchy. No, no, no. I did I did a hypnosis class and reconnecting with yourself and they said to like put a photo of your younger self in your mirror. It worked cuz she is so back. Would highly recommend this ritual. If you lost a sibling to performance sibling, if you're having trouble connecting with your sibling, do a witchy ritual. Get a young photo, plaster it on their mirror. Burn it. No, no, I'm just kidding. We didn't burn it. We didn't burn it because we love it. But what I want to say is I was in my teens like I that was a conscious choice of being robotic and having no feelings because that was a conscious choice to be shut down. Why? It's like in Vampire Diaries when they like shut down their emotions. Humanity. You did that. I did that to myself. You know why? I'll tell you why. And it's kind of sad, but when I Here we go. Okay. So, I'm going to keep this short. Another story. I was bullied like really bad. short. I was bullied really bad in elementary school. And so by the time I was eight, I literally remember making a decision listening to the Pussycat Doll song, When I Grow Up. And there's a lyric going, "When I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies." Um, I want to see the world drive nice cars. I want to group groupies. It's groupies, not it was groupies. We thought it was movies, but it's groupies.

And it was like be on TV, people know me, whatever. And so I got to a point by the time like eight years later I was like, "Oh my god, I literally created that for myself." I was on TV. I was, you know, I didn't know you had groupies. I didn't have groupies. But I think like remember being 8 years old and just literally making a decision because I had such a hard time with friendships that in my peers like I was literally like by myself on the playground like no one would play with me like hated me yada yada. So I think to me it got to a point where I was like [ __ ] this. I sorry. But it was like in my head it was like I literally was just like, you know what? I'm going to become the best at whatever it is I do, whatever it is I do. And I don't care if I have to sacrifice my soul for it because I'm miserable anyway. I'm miserable right now and I might as well be good at something because I'm alone. So it was very dark and sad. Dave and I are gasping, you know. But that's why I was that way as a teenager because that's all I knew and that was my only way of feeling good about myself was being good at stuff because I didn't think friendship was a possibility. I didn't think people liking me was a possibility. So I was like, you know what? I'm miserable and sad, but I might as well be like rich and famous and miserable and sad than alone and you know what I mean? Like that was my thinking. I don't think you think like that anymore, right? No, I don't. That's been like the growth. But I think I actually had a moment where I felt like really sad for I had a lot of compassion for that little eight-year-old that got me to and Okay, so talking about when that started. Yeah, it started at eight and then by the time I was 16, I had achieved all the things eight-year-old me wanted to achieve. But I think and then at 16 it all started. So you talk about you guys being like your worst nightmares, you know, doing what you love being an obligation. I got to that point because I sold my soul for the success and the accomplishment by the time I was 16, 17, and I was on a TV show and I was accomplishing all like I was, you know, where 8-year-old me always dreamed of being. And yet I felt miserable. I felt sad. I felt disconnected from myself. Everything felt like an obligation. I wasn't enjoying myself. So that's when for me it really started like 16 17 by the time I was 18 I really committed to figuring out who I was and asking myself who am I becoming because I wasn't happy with who I was becoming. I was so so miserable and sad. And so that's been my journey into young adulthood in my 20s. Well and and I think when you going back to the 23rd birthday I feel like when you were 23 that was kind of when you really started to come back into your own again. And I think your health had something to do with it. There was a lot of that involved. I think also like making like when I turned 18 that was the year I started to make really good friends and I think you know it grew each year in my 20s and so I think by 23 I felt really like I had found friends and that's when it started to shift my mindset. I also feel like for you finding friends that loved and appreciated you for who you were helped you become more yourself because it like gave you a space to be who you wanted to be. Also for you know just to show the contrast at eight I think El and I were playing with Bratz dolls. I don't think I had many thoughts at that age. Um so you were you were a very mentally developed intense child. Yeah. To joke about that for a second. Maddie was a conscious baby. Have you ever heard of those conscious babies that are like I have multiple times said to my parents that I was glad I wasn't around when Maddie was a baby because I would have been afraid of her because she was conscious. I was I was a very conscious baby and my dad was a conscious baby which basically means like you have memories from like when you were like one or two um you know under five. I guess we we think that's what it is. I mean you might know but I've I just saw I've just seen stuff with conscious babies and Maddie would be like I want a conscious baby. It freaks them out. Yeah. cuz you're a baby. Why are you conscious? My mom would say like when I was really little, like like when I was just born, um I was in the hospital for a couple of months, my first months of life. Um and uh my mom said that like I would like look at the doctors like as if like I was having a conversation with them, like they'd be talking about me and my mom would say like I was clocking what was happening even though I didn't understand. I was just not clocking to you though. I'm standing on business. That was Maddie as a baby. It's not clocked to you. I'm standing on business. That's funny. Are you done? I was gonna say something and I forgot. See if it comes back to you. No, I was just going to say something quickly or unless you have something important to say. Is it relevant? I was just going to say that thing that we were talking about the other day which reminded me for some reason of like the 20s and finding friends that you know appreciate you for who you are. I think as twins too, it's nice to be friends with people that like know the difference. Yeah. Shout out to my friends who know the difference. Um, all my good friends do. But Ellen used to have this thing growing up too where we'd laugh because we talked about it recently, but like all growing up for some reason we both had this complex of like we thought that one person would be friends with us because of the other twin. Like L recently was like, I think people were only friends with me because they thought you were funny. Whereas I thought people were only friends with me and like put up with me because they liked L. Like I thought they were like this girl's a lot but L's nice so let's just deal with her because we know she's part of the deal. You know maybe Yeah. The twin thing was kind of crazy with that. Like I thought the same thing. I've also had many thoughts when I growing up where I was like Ava's the prettier twin. Same. Yeah. And it was actually ridiculous because you guys look so similar. I know. But it's like you think that you have all those wrong features that are off. You think that you have the wrong ones. It's not easy. But I mean, I love being a twin, so it's fine. But I was going to say I see something on the computer here that says as they approach their mid20s. Let's not talk about that yet. Well, no, it's okay. I also can you talk about like turning like 20s and being twins because I know people are interested in the twin thing, you know, like how do you think that's been different because you have built in a built-in best friend. You're not going through anything alone. Oh, here's what I'll say. One thing quickly, Ava, is number one, Ava and I are extremely close to a fault. Um, we are, you know, super super super close. Share, can you one second? I was going to say, you know, the term like what is it connected at the hip or joint? Tight as tick. Tight as tick. Two peas in a pod. I don't like tick. Well, no one know. Two peas in a pod. Anyway, A and I are that were two peas in a pod and mom's we were womb mates. Now we're roommates and anyway um yeah, we're super close. So having sisters and like this includes Maddie as well because you're also like my best friend is that like having sisters does give you a level of like you know confidence in life. It's like, okay, like I saw this TikTok one time where I was like, oh, I, you know, all these people might not like me, but you know what? I got sisters at home who like are going to laugh about it with me, you know, like I feel very grateful for that. Let's finish my heart. Period. Um, a double. That's awful. Okay, that's not powerful at all. Anyway, what where I was going with this is that, you know, like I would not trade being a twin for the world, but Ava, I'm going to hand this off to you because being a twin means you also compare yourself sometimes. Like we were saying, I often thought I was the uglier twin. I often thought that no one liked me. I thought everyone was friends with me because Ava was funny. Now, job market, Ava, would you like to I have a job. Ava does not, and it's been hard on her. Let's talk about it. Yeah. I'm also going to say that when you're that close like you don't I didn't realize like you know I know we spent a lot of time together but I didn't realize how much until you started leaving and I was like what do I do? Like I was used to just kind of like context. Yeah. So for context leaves the house for about five hours every Wednesday to go film. Is it five hours? It's got to be feels like about that. Yeah. but she leaves for five hours every Wednesday night to film for her job. Um, and I didn't realize like how much I talk to her throughout the day cuz I'm just used to having her around. So, if I have like a thought or something, I'll just be like, "Oh, l blah blah blah blah." And then I'll turn and she's not there. Gasp. Wow. And listen, Maddiey's there, too. But Mattiey's kind of like a busy bee. Like, she has her own life, you know, because she's not a twin. No. No. But you're you have your own life. Like you like do your own things. Like sometimes I'll turn around and no one's here and I'm like whoa. Whereas like L does not like when she's home she does not leave. Like Maddie and I will go on walks and L's like at home. Like have fun. She's like I'm staying here. So I didn't realize like she was always around and then now she's gone. And also so sorry getting back to the point of comparing yourself. El and I also have a very similar skill set just because naturally growing up we did a lot of things together. where we would make little funny action movies growing up and things like that which taught us video editing and all that kind of things that ended up you know we do video we did we did video editing for um nonprofit team we're coordinated how do we do that why did you we're color coordinated yeah now I've lost my train of thought but that's okay I just realized that's okay it's great we look super squashed together too um you know and so we learn all these skill sets that are now helping us get jobs. So, you know, last summer also had a job within video editing that I didn't have. And it's this weird feeling of like I'm so happy for her and yet I technically could be doing that, but I'm not. It reminds me of that Taylor Swift song where she goes, "Help. I'm stuck at the restaurant." You know, and I'm right where you left me. Right. Wow. I think those are two different songs, but or I don't I don't know. I'm not I don't know. I don't know. But I think it's the same ones. I don't know. I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna say I don't know. Okay, then maybe you're right. I'm not sure. But I think, you know, with siblings and stuff, I don't know if it's just a twin thing, but it's like we have the same skill set. So, I'm like technically I could be doing this thing, but I haven't had the opportunity to do it. And that has been difficult for me particularly because it's that weird thing of like I I'm watching her do the things that I can do and I'm not able to do them. Like no one has asked me or wants to pay me to do them but I can and not yet. And just so just quick update from last week if anyone watched last week's live, I am so much better now. I'm a brand new woman. I think there was a lot of things that needed to change. I was very overwhelmed and we have made those adjustments. So I am much better. Um, if you're not feeling well, listen to yourself and talk it out with the people you love and you'll figure out how to feel better fast by just like making make a change though, you know, because sometimes it is a situational thing that you need to adjust and I did and I'm feeling much better. Um, and I now have two interviews slay for jobs. So, I'm and I don't care if anything comes of them. I'm just leaving it up to what's supposed to happen. Weekly updates. weekly update. Um, yeah. I think another thing about your 20s, like you just said, A, is I remember like in my early 20s, I had a really hard time regulating my emotions. And I remember having moments being like, why is this not easier for me? Why is this so hard? Like, why haven't I figured this out by now? But like, that's a part of your 20s is figuring it out. Like, you're not going to know until you go through it. So there's going to be periods of your life like now I regulate like I'm way better at regulating myself but I had to go through the really uncomfortable you know months to years of like learning about myself that way and and you know situations coming up and learning about how I react to them and and what helps me. I have something to say too quickly if that's okay. Is just that I was talking about this with our our best friend Jenna um at our birthday little shindig the other day is um I noticed that it's important to try not to overanalyze everything especially when you're not feeling 100%. I feel like that week that I wasn't feeling great, I definitely overanalyzed every part of my life trying to find the issue. And then I think it just made myself more miserable. And I think sometimes it is the obvious option. Like for me it was the fact that I was just overwhelmed with work and didn't have any job interviews yet. Like I think that that was the simple option. And I I went into my whole life trying to be like what? Like I started overanalyzing everything and being like what's the problem? I'm like, just let it be. Sometimes it is the obvious option and just accepting that and making a minor adjustment can completely change how you feel. Feel like a different girl now. She's a new woman. I think that should be your advice for everyone for today. And I'm going to give you my advice as a new 23-year-old. My advice to all the 23-year-olds out there is to be patient with yourself and to embrace the uncertainty and kind of just say like, I'm on this roller coaster ride and I'm going to ride with it. Just kind of like, you know, take like go with the flow with things, you know, find the joy, find the gratitude. Um, and that's honestly the biggest thing that's working for me right now at 23 is am I where I thought I would be at 23? No, but I am happy and I'm finding the gratitude and I'm finding the thing and I like I am enjoying myself and I feel like if you're enjoying yourself and you're you know and if you're not enjoying yourself then don't worry be patient with yourself and you will find you know a new path soon but just make the best of the situation that you are given and yeah just be patient with yourself um at 23 it's kind of it's a crazy time you know you're still in your early 20s you're still figuring your [ __ ] out. And just it's okay. I think for me when I turned 23, things started to get easier. Like 20 to 23 it was like this uphill like struggle. I think 20 to 23 is just like you coming to terms with being in your 20s. You're kind of like what the heck is this? And I also feel like like and we've had a couple of guests on too and we're like what were some of like the valleys of your 20s or the you know low moments? And a lot of times it was in their early 20s. Yeah. Well, even for me, I didn't even like I didn't even realize that the whole 20s thing was a thing. Like I didn't even think about it being this like uncertain time. I thought it was just like, oh, you get out of school and you get the job that you want and then life's great. That's what I thought it would be. So that's why I'm like I'm going back to like everyone just be patient with yourselves. And that this past year into turning 23 has been me just like embracing where I'm at and not fighting against it. cuz the more you fight against it, the less happy you're going to be. Um, just find the joy in what you are currently doing. And when you're like in the low moments, like what helps me is literally just saying like, I'm in a valley right now. And that way it doesn't feel like it's all consuming. Yeah. Like you label the emotions. You label what's going on. You're just like, you say it. You're like, I feel like I'm in, you know, I feel sad or like I'm in a valley right now. And it reminds you that, you know, it's going to get better. You're like, this is temporary. Yeah, I'm in a valley right now. I'm not feeling great and I'm going to do what I can to feel better. And I'm just going to say quickly is like it's a hard time. So if you go through lots of valleys, which we have been and I said this every week. Oh yeah. And I said this to Ava last week when she was having her downtime. I was like like this is a hard time. Uncertainty is difficult to deal with. Like no like it's not easy. So if you're going if you're crying every other day, sorry to out you. If you're crying every other day and you know things feel scary because they're uncertain and you just feel a bit lost or maybe like your life hasn't begun yet, like that's totally valid. Like don't you know think there's something wrong with you over feeling that way. It's a difficult time. You're going to get through it. And I was just going to add this last thing. You know, I was talking about, you know, my overanalyzing and how sometimes accepting things and then changing them can help you feel better. I also know that sometimes you can't control parts of the situation that you're in. Like even for me, yeah, I got an interview or two, but I I still can't control if I'm going to get a job or not. But I think, you know, looking at my life and being honest with myself of what was making me feel overwhelmed or down or things like that, just making those small adjustments helped me with the things that I can't control. And um just know that it's okay that you can't control those things. cuz I know it's hard not to be able to, but enjoy. Try to focus on the things that you have without. Cuz again, I always say this, there's pros and cons to everything. The fact that I don't have a job right now. I have a lot of freedom. So, I'm really just leaning into that, doing all the things that I love. And that has really helped me. So, I can only speak for myself. That's what helped me. And the last thing I'll say is just treat the valleys you're in like an experiment. Like your 20s are an experiment to figure out what works for you. And that's like you're going into the unknown. And I've said this before, but um your 20s are the call to adventure of your life. So So treat it that way. Treat it as an experiment. Like I treated it that way. If I was in a valley, I'd be like, "I'm going to try this thing and see if it makes me feel better. And if it does, I'm going to try a different thing." And don't compare yourself to other people as much as you can cuz like, you know, a would do things and make them feel better. And I'd try what they did and it didn't work for me. So like, don't be discouraged. Like don't think, "Oh, there's something wrong with me." It's just all of us have different things that make us happy. Like riding my bike, listening to music makes me really happy and I love that. And even don't like riding their bikes. That doesn't make them happy. I actually saw something on Instagram the other day. Not sure how true it was, but apparently riding bikes, swimming, and running, I think it was, can mirror EMDR practices, which is a type of therapy. Really, don't quote me on that, but that's the type of That's the type of therapy Maddie did. And I'm like, maybe that's why she likes riding bikes so much. I don't know. But really don't quote me on it. And we're going to wrap this up now because this has been fun. We said we were going to keep this to 20 30 minutes, but it's been close to 45. So, thank you. Thank you for coming. And at least we didn't get to an hour. Yes. And and you know, share any lessons from your 20s in the comments. Um we are going to link related videos in the show notes. And the 20some playbook, the podcast that we host is out now. There's a new episode every other Tuesday. And we are super excited. We've got seven episodes so far, all about people who are either in their 20s or who have lived through their 20s talking about what they learned through that time of their life. And it's super it's been helpful to us even to hear their journeys and just know that you're not alone and that this is a challenging time and can also be a super fun time. So also look forward to all the fun things ahead. Look forward to the peaks after the valleys. I speak tonight. Thanks everyone. Bye bye. Maybe we'll have three mics next time.

Toodles.