M.A.E. Chats: How we navigate comparing ourselves to each other

Join us in this episode of M.A.E. Chats as we delve into the complex issue of comparing ourselves to others and its impact on our mental wellness. In today's comparison culture, it's easy to get caught up in anxiety and self-doubt, but developing effective communication and social skills can be a powerful tool in overcoming anxiety and building confidence. By cultivating a growth mindset and focusing on self-improvement, we can learn to navigate social situations with charisma and poise, and develop the mental resilience needed to stay grounded in the face of social anxiety. Through open and honest self-reflection, we can gain a deeper understanding of our inner dialogue and develop strategies for building speaking confidence and social fluency. By embracing authentic living and prioritizing our mental health, we can break free from the cycle of comparison and focus on our own personal growth, leading to a confidence boost and a more positive mindset shift. Tune in for insightful discussions and practical growth techniques to help you master your mindset and achieve anxiety relief.

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Transcript:

The bills make you want. Where were we yesterday? Kick your heels up and shout. We were in Buffalo. You two were in Buffalo. I was at home sleeping, recovering from a cold. Yes, cuz Calgary made her sick. Maddie went to Calgary. I did for a new job. Started a job that's located in Toronto. But the head office. My girl's working in finance. She's not sick. Little employment update. Is that what it's considered? I thought you were working at a bank. Well, it's a fintech. A financial technology. Yeah, I think it's I think it's she's in her tech girl, finance girl era. Slay, I had the worst week of my life while she was in Calgary, but we're not going to talk about that today. That was last week. We had a good week. That was a two weeks ago now. Two weeks ago, and then and then I had a the best week of my life this week. We went to Bills game. They had a historic game. I feel lucky. I feel grateful. I feel on top of the world that I was at that game. My dad has been wanting to go for ages and I something I will never stop talking about for the rest of my life. Yeah, we wanted to go for ages. My dad hasn't been I think in 20 years. He used to go with his family when we were younger. When he was younger, sorry. Um because we live in Toronto and Buffalo's like from the east side of the city. It's about like 2 and 1 half hour drive. So my dad bought these a bit ago, like last week, right? Yeah, it wasn't that long. We bought it like 3 days before we were going. We like kept talking about it and we're like, "Oh my goodness." like the season like the home opener is on Sunday and then we're like maybe we should go to the home opener and that's what we did and that is probably the best that was your adventure. My adventure was traveling by myself to Calgary for the first time which was really funny because L as our resident airport dad sat me down and was like listen this is what you need and you know what I did it. It's funny cuz I feel like being a being an airport dad might trigger some people. And I feel like this actually let's this is going to go into like sibling comparison. I feel like cuz we're all so different. And I feel like that makes us a good team. That different. And I feel like that's also why a lot of siblings might butt heads. Mhm. is because you know where one we even we know some siblings where it's like one is super lzair you know like leaves things to the last minute type B I guess you could call it type B I guess type C I don't know the other one's type A and it drives the other one nuts and it's like yeah that would drive someone nuts none of us is like type A or B yeah like all of us are a mix of things what do I see on Tik Tok the other super like on time I'm the one that keeps our room like where one is type A, the other is type B. Where one is type, you know, like I know, but that's what I like the most. We round each other out. But I was just going to say, I'm not trying to out you with that. She's not I'm messy, but I'm can be I can messy, but she's on time. Here's here's what I'm going to say is I can be messy, but I am not dirty. I can be messy,

but it's when I'm super busy. I didn't. Oh my god. I knew you were going to say that. I was like don't say it. This is the closest she's been to us in weeks because she came home sick and we were all Ava's not going to edit this. So, you're going to have to witness all of this. This is unedited. Um, but I was going to say that I'm messy, but it's when I'm busy. My room got real messy when I got a full-time job. Let's just say that. Doesn't mean it's good or justified. It's not. I know. And Abe would come up to me and be like, "Like this needs to change." And I'd be like, "Don't you think I know that it took me a week to do my laundry when I got back from Calgary, but I got it done. I my my closet, sorry, is my safe space." I know it is. That was random. You punched a wall once when I Congrats that your closet is your safe space. I was that um Wait, what are you saying? I don't know. I'm trying to hold space for you. Do you like go in your closet to No, but just like having it organized is my san it like my my closet is my sanctuary. It's not even that organized. I went in there the other day. I've been in there. It's more organized now. I just went through it. It's because And I was sick, so just give me a second. I go in there all the time to steal your clothes. I was going to say something, though, is that you I didn't mean to out you with the messiness. It was literally You do you do it all the time. I expected it. I'm going to explain why I brought it up because it's one of our major differences because we have a ton of similarities, but we also have so many. We have too many these days. Everyone keeps coming up to us and asking if we're twins and I'm getting really sick. We always get like when it's the two of you, you get looks and then when it's the three of us, they think we're triplets. I know, but Matt, you don't understand. I never tell if I have a good outfit on or if it's just like I'm also going to say that's like a life thing. I understand like in life we just look like triplets sometimes. But A and I the past like week have gotten are you twins 70 times and it's actually it's never gotten my nerves before. It's starting to get I've been a twin for I've been a twin for 23 years. And what? And 23 years? It's a long time ago. And I I don't think I've ever been this this like okay, we get it. I know we look the same. But it's like to be fair to everyone else like they don't they don't know how many interactions. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. Stopped in New York City. We've gotten stopped everywhere recently. I got stopped like three or four times in one day the other day and that has never happened. Well, we went to the mall and A and I went to the mall together and it was a bit much. But we go to the mall together all the time and like we do everything together. So that's why it's like when we do things together it's not it's also this weird like suddenly we should probably get to talking about something. But I was going to say No, I was going to say quickly though is that it makes me like weirdly hyper aware. No, it makes me like weirdly hyper aware of the fact that we're like a biological anomaly. Anomaly. Yeah. Phenomenal. It freaks me out cuz it's like I just see we're technically um a uh freak of nature. Third freak of nature. Oh, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say something else. It makes me feel like a freak of nature. Aren't we a Oh my god. Sorry, guys. I went to bed at 3:00 a.m. last night and I worked all day. My brain is not there. It's a word. It's I'm two two words. Two words. Um, no, no, no. It's okay. Well, you It's like a It's like they call it in genetics epigenetics. Genetics DNA. No, no, no. It's like a wrong thing that happened in your genetics. Oh my god. If anyone's listening to this who's working who's just smart in general yelling at me. I don't even think there's a word for that. They're shouting at their screen right now. I know. You know how like No offense Maddie, but she has a genetic condition condition. And they call it genetic mutation. Mutation. Thank you. We're technically a mutation, aren't we? I don't know. Anyway, that was unre someone who had never seen twins before. And I I was thinking, you're in New York City. bound to have seen twins. There are how many people here? The the first twins they saw were in the movie Sinners. That's not even in real life. Which isn't even in real life. I couldn't believe it. I was happy for Yeah. There was a phase when Sinners was really popular where everyone's like, "Are y'all twins?" And we were like, "Yeah." They're like, "Maybe from sinners." Maybe it's from Sinners. Maybe sinners is amplifying. No, there's some of these people I know saying I'm like, "The twin thing the twin thing. Maybe he's making twin stuff cool now. It's not. But it just makes me it like I I feel like we're very individual people and then it makes me feel like we're like like together see us as this like weird like like it's almost like they don't even see you as like two separate humans. They just see you this like weird united like blob blob of of twinness. It's like you're not even As a twin I got to say there's nothing more offensive than when people are like you're the same, aren't you? Like when we were kids, they there was one kid who was like he was going to give us those Orbeez. Are they called Orbeez? A twin marble. Oh, it was a marble. And he was like giving them out to everyone in the class. And I still remember his name, but I won't say it. You can whisper it to me after his name now. You know who it is. Thou who shall not be named. Oh, okay. You got it wrong. I did get it wrong. Like ate your hair. Yeah, that was a lot. Okay. But um close your eyes. Um what was I going to say? Yeah. And then he was like giving all the all these marbles and then No, he was giving everyone in the class a marble. I know. And he gave us one for the two of us. I know. He's like, "You're you can just have one." That was so offensive. If people see twins like that, you need to change that. I think it's funny, too, when you're younger and sometimes people would just like close their eyes and just pick one, you know? Yeah. That's also offensive. What? They haven't taken the time to get to know each of you individually, so they're like, "Whatever, I'll pick." Nothing pisses Maddie off more than someone not treating us properly. I have a list. Let's get into Sorry, we got to get into topics. You know how Arya has her list? I have mine of those. Oh my god, I forgot about Arya's list. You have, you know, are you? Oh, I remembered it cuz I identified with Is it clocking to you? It's just a big sister and we can almost guarantee every big sister is like this with just had to make sure they're little siblings. We come back to sibling differences. Yeah. What a great segue. We go I'm going to say quickly a story. Is it sibling comparison? Yes. And I'm going to say how we are actually pretty good with it and it's because we want the best for each other. And I'm going to give you an example. Simple as that. We grew up competitive dancing. It's very intense. Lots of intense practicing. Lots of, you know, competition. Lots of comparison, especially with you two against each other, specifically in the same age. And yes, A and I would perform solos and we would always compete against each other because you compete against the people that are your age and that are in the same would compete against each other, right? No. No. I guess it depend on the competition. Sometimes you didn't, sometimes. But the point is that we would compete against each other and there was always sometimes we were in an overall division together. That was a vague record. That was very rare. Matty won of course. Yeah. But yeah. Well, I was also older as you always did. But I was also older to be fair. I'd be older. But I'm telling the story because this is the following. This is what happened. So A and I were we did our solos. We compete against each other and you know naturally you want to win. If you don't want to win, what are you doing it for? But we, you know, you want to win. What? For fun. Sorry. Okay. Having fun over there. Um, and you know, you want to win the dance competition. So, anyway, I remember, you know, you're at adjudication where they give they give the awards and you're sitting there with your earrings and your lipstick on 12 a.m. And it's 12:00 a.m. You're cold. You're hungry. You're hunched over. You're 11 years old. You're exhausted. You got a sixack cuz you do way too much cardio for an 11-year-old. And are we painting a picture here? Are we painting the picture? Lots of diamonds. Fake diamonds, but you know, lots of sparkles nonetheless. Jackets, you know, the whole vibe. Yeah. Um, and Ava, I remember there was one year where it was like I didn't get first place. I got I don't know, maybe second or third or maybe even worse, but she got first. And it was this feeling of like, oh man, like I didn't get first. Like, did I do okay? Whatever. But then it's like there's that other side of your brain that's like Ava got first. And then you're excited and you're like, "Yay, I'm happy for her. Kind of sad for myself, but I'm happy for her." And I feel like that's how we kind of do things now, right? So even example, recently I got a job. Ava comes to me, l I'm so happy for you. She is genuinely, but she's sad for herself because now she is left behind. I think the great thing that you're saying here is that the two can exist at the same time. 100%. And it doesn't have any bearing on whether or not you're a good person or not. Like it's okay to feel sad and it's okay to feel. I think El and I again like Ava always says that to me. She'll be like, you know, crying have crashing out and she'll Yeah. as of late. As of late, she'll be like, "L I just want to tell you this doesn't mean that I'm not happy for you and nothing has to change. It's just that I am sad for me." That's basically not exactly essentially where we get, you know, and all growing up. I mean, especially El and I because we're the same age and your twins, you literally Yeah, it flip-flopped a lot. Sometimes one, sometimes the other did. And um Sorry, our dog's crying. Oh, I was going somewhere with this. Oh, there was even one time where we we hung out with a very smart friend group in high school. We were the dumbest of them all and we got Yeah, this is what I'm saying is and we got like 80s and 90s in school. Like we worked really hard. Um but we were in a really high achieving friend group who got like 98s and everything like all the time% average like all the time. 97 98. if you guys are watching, like I don't know how you did that, honestly. I don't I watching this, though. But, um, what I was going to get at is there was one time that there was like an honors thing and there was a top 10 and everyone in my friend group got one including me and Jenna. Shout out Jenna. Including Who else was in the top 10? L was also in the top 10. I think I was 10th. Yeah, she was. She just made it. Just made it. I had a 93% average. Yeah, it's really good. We worked hard for that. Those averages, you guys did not come easily. Yeah. People at school would be like, "Oh, you guys are smart." And I'd be like, "Yeah, but I have to work way too hard." No, but I was like, "I have to work way too hard to be like" Like, it was like my I remember my friends, it's like they didn't have to work that hard. Whereas like I had to work really hard. We worked too hard. Well, not too hard. I don't regret it, but math department. My dad used to come in and he'd be like, "Okay, like math is none of our We had a problem. We had a studying problem. I had No, I had an academic validation problem. It came from a root cause. She's addicted. I didn't realize that until when I saw on Tik Tok academics. Yeah, seriously. That is actually my villain. But again, differences. But but academic validation, I didn't realize that was a thing until Tik Tok. I feel like it's like they create these like human experiences for terms for human experiences and like academic validation was one that when I left high school, I saw that on Tik Tok and I was like, "Oh my god." Because everyone would be like, "Oh, like why do you work so hard in school?" Or like, you know, be like, "Oh, you're a good student." And I'd be like, "Yeah, well, in 9th grade I got my first 90%." And I was like, and I never went back. I just kept I kept like want I got that feeling. I was like, I'm not kidding. It was like I got that first hit. I never wanted I had it. And then around grade 12 or grade 11 biology, it started to fade cuz I just another point of comparison didn't have to study as much as biology, which was weird. And then I would study more and Ava would like be before the test, she'd be like, "Oh, can you just read the textbook out while you're reading it to me so I can study and she'd be like asleep on the couch beside me and I'd be like reading out the text return." And I'd be like, "Ava, Ava, you have to wake up." I'd be like, "Ava, like you're not going to be able to test." That would be really annoying. And then I'd be like, "I'm tired." I was like, "Oh my god." Like, and I was so worried about her cuz I was like, "Oh my god, she's going to fall." The problem is I knew she was going to read it out loud anyway. The point is not that I had to read it out to you. The point is that I read it out to you. We were half asleep and I was like, "No, no, let me finish." And I was like, "Oh my god, she's not going to pass." And then the day came, the test happens, and she got a higher percent than me. I think that was by chance. Can I just say something just to summarize what you're saying? I think what you're getting at is that everyone has their own strengths and everyone has their own weaknesses. And I think it's important to acknowledge that it's okay that I have strengths and weaknesses and we don't have to have the same strengths and weaknesses. How do you survive comparing yourself to siblings? This can be siblings. There you go. We got there. This can be siblings or friendships even or any any siblings as a specific example. Example, but you can apply it to anything. It's easy also to compare yourself to your siblings cuz you have the same genetics. Well, I have something to say. Also, because we work together, we've really had to become accustomed. Is that the right word? Oh, no. We've had to become aware. Hi, Mel. Hi. We've had to become aware of um if you're on Spotify and you're listening to this, go on YouTube and watch it because then you'll see a cute silver lab. Mr. Silver click over here. Yeah, that is clickbait. He's scared of the wires. Oh, he says no thanks. He's 70 lb and like he says I'm stronger than us and he's afraid. What were you getting at, Eva? I was getting it. Why are his lips so wet? I don't know. Probably drank something because we he moisturized. Okay. used the latest lip gloss. Sorry. Because we work together, we have had to become very aware of each other's and our own strengths and weaknesses. And I feel like over the years, it's just gotten more clear on what that is. Like there's Sorry. Oh, go ahead. You're Well, for example, Maddie's like our first draft girl. Like she she will crank out a first draft and it will be amazing, but it will be messy. You know what I My analogy is it's like walking through a forest that has no path, you know, and like I'm making the path and the path is going to be messy, but there's a path. Sure. For sure. Okay. Queen like I'd say I'd say her skill is more the research aspect. Yeah. And first drafts definitely. Yeah. But the first draft is from the research. Yes. You know, for sure. But I'd say research is her specialty. Consolidation of ideas. But Maddie can consume information very fast. She's like um instead of me sitting here and being like speed reader but but I could easily be like oh man I was going to say though is I could easily and you know we talked about this growing up Maddie was a child prodigy so there was a lot of moments that I'd have where I was like oh man am I like the idiot child like I want I cried because Maddie came home from school and she got straight A's and everyone was so happy for her and mom and dad were like oh my god Maddie got straight A's and I started crying cuz I was like oh my god like but you got straight A you're also younger than me I know Maddie but the point is is not is that youate your experience. Try not to talk over each other. Thanks for No, no. I'm just No, but I'm saying that like I did get there. Yeah. But like when I was young, it was a it was like very, you know, like oh my god. Well, when you're doing so well and it's also like the first experience I had with them. Yeah. Which is unfair. And it never happened again. It's like it's unfair how good I was. That sounds so obnoxious. No, no, but it was like but it was like you know straight A's and then I remember crying to mom and I was like I don't get straight A's still worthy and she was like yes you are and I just grew up feeling stupid because Maddie was smart and all of my friend group was smarter than me. So I was just like I don't know where I stand in all this and trying to find a sense of identity. Yeah. But yeah and I I just think if if there's anyone out there that hasn't found their strengths yet, go and cry to your mom. Go go go go go and cry your mom and then you'll find them. No, but I do think you will find them. You Everybody has them. Yes. And you have to give them time. And I think an important thing as well is looking at your weaknesses. Okay. Another thing I'm going to say quickly is if you have a weakness in an area that you're interested in, don't give up on it. Just work on it. If you have a weakness in something you're not interested in, in my opinion, give up on it and move on to something else that you're actually interested in because you only are going to have so many like you can only focus in and be really good at a few things. Um, don't try to be good at everything and no one is. And and and like I said, like choose something that you're interested in because like I say this a lot about screenwriting. I'm I feel like we've gotten good at it because we're interested in it and we work hard. But I also think, can I just say something quickly about your weaknesses? Because we're all full of opposites. So for every weakness, the opposite of your weakness is your strength, which sounds really obvious, but like if you haven't figured out what your strengths are, like okay, like I'm really bad at math. I I know that about myself. It is not a strength. It's great to hear you recognizing that. Yeah, I'm not good at it. But the opp what's the opposite of math, I guess. English. English, right? Like reading, writing, speaking. I'm really good at that. So I think she can speak girl. I can talk, you know. So it's I I like I think words that can be a good place for you to start. And then also realize too that like like okay I'm going to give you an analog like a story from us. So we've probably talked about this before but we all got our driver's license at the same time. It was right after co you know I'm not going to get into why but we all took a driver's test. We all were training with the exact same driving instructor. And the driving instructor who shouldn't have done this we've told this story. Yeah. Did rank us right and was like what where I'm getting at this like getting at with this is that like and I was like I'm the best. Yeah. So El was like El was like El's the strongest driver. And then he said to me like you're the worst of the three. Like okay like I know but that didn't shake me because I and as a spicy Aries that pissed her off. It pissed me off but it didn't affect my self worth. I was like why did he tell me that? That's not helpful information. Yeah. I'm also gonna say if it's okay if I interrupt here is be mindful of the stories you're telling yourself. I think growing up to take a big inhale before this one. I know. I think growing up though like Maddie was really good at her things and then I feel like El were you were good at school and I just hadn't let me hold on before you back me up or whatever which is very nice of you because I am good at things. I know that. I know that now. But I'm just saying for anyone who feels like a late bloomer, like they haven't like found their thing yet, you will find it. And I just think I was a late bloomer. Like I didn't find my thing until like after high school. What I was going to say is that I feel like that was a story you were telling yourself. But this is what I'm saying. I know. So I'm saying that's why I went like this cuz I'm like she thought that she was behind or a lay bloomer when in reality she just was way too focused on this story of like, oh, I'm a lay bloomer. But I also think it's easy to lose sight of your strengths because Ava's No, no. Can I wait? Can I clarify? But you have also have a lot of very natural natural andate. She has very natural innate strengths that can't be taught. The best one in our opinion that we get to enjoy every day is comedy. I knew you were going to say funny. Act like I'm a stand. She You're not a stand comedian, but you're She takes it for granted. She thinks it's easy. You know the Taylor Swift thing like says my boyfriend. It's like says my sister. understand like you're very like you're very with this with being funny. You are a funny diva and you know this about yourself. You're a funny diva talk these days. I love I love the word diva but she is a funny diva. She's the funniest diva I know. Thank you. And she thinks like you know like it's like you know like from L Woods and Legally Blonde and he's like you got into Harvard Law and she's like what like it's hard like that's what humor is for Ava. So also just to that point you might already take for granted what you're good at. natural skills. Yeah. Like you might be like, "Oh, cuz she takes her comedy and her wit for granted." I'm saying like you might be like, "Oh, I have no strengths." But everyone's good at this. No, no, no. Sorry. Can I say though? I just wanted to clarify quickly though. Is um clarify and then I have another comparison story. These are a lot of twin stories. He says, "Don't worry. Don't care." I feel like as twins you can compare yourself. I I do think it was a story I told myself about not being good at things um growing up. But again, I can only be mindful of those things now because I have found my thing and I looked back and I reflected like obviously I'm going to feel that way in the moment because I didn't have anything that I felt like I was good at. But it's like it's like Maddie said look at the things that you also even if it's not but again as a child you don't think of these things. I'm saying this is me reflecting as a 20 story. Wait, can I just say sorry can I finish? is just that um like looking back, you know, even if you're in this moment right now, how however old you are, if you feel like you're not good at anything or you're telling yourself all these negative stories about yourself, really try to think about like Maddie said, everyone has natural skills. Even if you're not winning awards, you haven't found it yet. Do you make do you have friends that you make feel make feel that you make happy or are you are you a good friend? Like these are actually skills. Yes. And one of my best friends, I always tell her, well, my best friend, one of her like very strong skills is being emotionally intelligent. And she is someone who if you tell her something, she remembers it. She will, you know, she'll text me on the the day of my grandpa's passing that happened like three years ago that honestly sometimes I don't even remember. And she'll text me and be like, "Isn't this the day that D?" And she'll text me and it's like she that's a skill in itself. like get creative with the skills. Not all of them have to be things that you get a grade for or an award that can't be like things that are easily measured and like I think it's also like we said just like look at what you take for granted cuz you might but I'm going to give an example of a story that Ava told herself and it was that she wasn't athletic and she had this whole thing in her head where she was like oh L's the one that is like which is actually hilarious you both have the same body type fa maverick for heaven you have the exact like the funny part about that to me is that you both were the And here's what I'll say. You know, like it's not I was a.5 scale more athletic than Ava in high school.5. L was top three. I was participation ribbon. It was not much. Not by much. Like this is like I was not an athlete. Let's just make that clear. I just was like mediocre, you know? I was okay. How are you breathing through this? I don't know. But I was okay. I'm sick so I can't smell. Oh my god. I was okay at sports. And Ava had this story where in her head where it was like, oh, L's the one that's good at sports and I'm the one that's not good at sports. So, she wouldn't try. And then it got to a point where I was like, I really wanted to play lacrosse in high school and I was forcing her to do it with me. And Ava was like, no, El, like, I'm not good at that kind of thing, even though she just hadn't tried it. And then she tried it and then she realized she loved it and she had a lot of fun. And so, she has a lot of her happiness to thank me for. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah. Actually, no, I'm kidding. I've actually like it's like the sibling comparison thing and get pretty crazy and get pretty creative with it. Another example I'm going to I'm going to give another twin example. This is a lot of twin stuff. I feel like I don't like this relates to every epitome of comparison it really but like Ava but like Ava for example that thing where was like growing up she thought that you know I was more athletic one. There's nothing these two get more of all of us. There's nothing all of us get more upset at with each other if one of us is like down. Yeah. Sometimes I'll do but like even me like I'm talking like this is a past situation. I don't feel this way anymore, you know? Well, I always get upset. I I don't know if I've said this and I will forever a long time that you felt that way. Anyway, I've said this, but I was just going to say I don't know if I've said this on the record yet, but like you know in Berton with the queen and she's always like finding her diamond of the season. Aanel would always be my diamonds of the season. Like forever, you know, if I was diamond of the season, both of you. I know. Maddiey's like Maddiey's like the next level cheerleader. Like it's like it's gets pretty crazy like a and I will literally just be existing and Matt be like, "You two are our my and I like literally there's one day I was like I look so ugly, you know? Like it was not I was not looking cute and Maddie was like l you're such a d like I don't I don't even I can't remember exactly what you say to me, but she's hyping me up. just and I'm like yes I was actually thinking about this the other day because and then I have a story to share after a couple years ago in the or no last no I don't remember when this wait what winter it was a couple of winters ago we played pickle ball with our friends a lot and Maddie um one time we like came out of the pickle ball where were we playing like an I was you guys were playing twin yeah we were playing athlet an athletic sitting out no no yeah I was watching I mean like I was participating but just rotating. Not important. Anyway, what I was going to say is I've played pickle ball. I'm like I'm not even average. Like I'm below average at pickle ball and then I left. My hair was like scraggly and sticking up everywhere. And Maddie just looks at me and she goes, "I'm obsessed with you." Oh, that's a good one. She says that. I said, "I'm in love with you guys." "I'm in love with you." Yeah. I mean, I heard her in the beginning. Guys are just us. Like, I appreciate it so much. I know. She was that older sister that was like she was desperate for younger siblings and so when she got them when I got two I was like LFG LFG I feel like we have a superiority complex because Maddiey's so obsessed with us. I think a lot of our confidence came from that. Thanks guys. But I've heard I've seen Tik Toks about that where it's like I hope you feel confident from us too. Yeah, of course. I feel like I feel like you lift us up and then we take you down a peg, you know? So we're all even again we all have our strengths and weaknesses. We got to keep each other in check. We We humble her sometimes. We do. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it's needed. Not all the time. Not all the time. It's also important. Um but I was going to say that um I don't remember what I was going to say before, but I'm going to tell my story now. Um my story is that um growing up as twins, I always thought that cuz A and I shared friends and we still do like unless I literally make the friend alone in a workplace or and now she's sharing them. But I share I always I share them most often. Um if they're worthy. Um seriously. Um I was going to say that we shared friends growing up and there was I remember like I'd always think like oh my god this this person is only friends with me because Ava is so funny and this person actually doesn't care about me and and if we and if like Ava wasn't here and she wasn't my twin like they wouldn't be friends with me. And then I told Ava that one day and she goes, "No way." Guess what I thought? Guess what she thought? I thought everyone was friends with me because they wanted to be friends with L because she was like the chill cool one and I was just like a lot put up with me because they wanted to be friends with L. Yeah. So just to show you there, be careful the story you're telling yourself because it's probably not true% in comparison. It's like it just shows you why it's a thief of joy is because it's so silly and it's like and and it's and it's something that's going to exist forever and you're going to compare yourself just part of being a human. But I'm going to say too when you look back at some of these things you're kind of like okay you also have to understand it's normal too like don't get down. I'm going to say too though how all these things get not fixed but help you deal with them because like things are going to come up like yeah for part of my childhood I did think I was like hadn't found my thing that I was good at and El and I had these rare little friend moments where you're like oh our friend likes you more than me kind of thing. Yeah, but how do you deal with them is you talk about them with a trusted person and that kind of helps you someone that loves you and that you love and it really helps you put things in perspective. I think sometimes that person you love will get really annoyed with the comparison cuz it's but I think for it to be a person that you feel seen by like who sees you for who you are. Mhm. Like don't tell it to the person that you want to be friends with who doesn't really know you. Yeah. True. That's true. you know, like say it to the person whether if it's your grandma, your aunt, your who your dad, who whoever, a really close friend, like whatever. Yeah. Just like dogs. Um, and I think comparison, especially as women, I think we're pitted against each other a lot, unfortunately, in the culture. I think I don't think we have like I think we're lucky that our parents never compared us. Like they were never like like I know there was like you know growing up there was a friend of yours whose parent would be like oh so and so got 95%. Why didn't you get 95 when that person got like 92? Our parents are very good at celebrating our our individuality. They celebrate Maddie for you know being super intellectual and you know like they celebrate Maddie for that stuff and a nerd and then they celebrate A and I for being joyful. I'd say that's what we're even that's a skill Ellen and I are pretty consistent in emotion. I mean this summer and dad are like be more intelligent. A and I are just like you are intelligent. We can provide smiles. You are intelligent. That's what we can provide. I know I'm intelligent. I'm just saying that you like read a lot. They don't like don't don't try to morph and change yourself to be like your sibling. Yeah. Like it it's there's a reason I know a lot of it comes down to like what you get attention for. And I think, you know, I think it's important to surround yourself with people or like give yourself the, you know, like give yourself the attention. That's actually something I was gonna say is is um something you learn as you grow up is you have to give yourself validation. Yeah. Cuz you're not always going to get it. Cuz even a skill of mine I feel like that I'm proud of in my later years is um screenwriting. And it I don't feel like I was very good at it to start. It felt awkward. Yeah, exactly. like felt awkward and like disjointed and like I feel like I've gotten to a place where I'm very proud of what I what I what we make together and I feel like it's a genuine skill of mine but no one's told me that like I've had to tell myself proud of the fact that I enjoy it. I think for the first time screenwriting and acting especially are those areas where like no one really tells me. We have only been told that we are good at screenwriting a couple times. No, I think once like only a handful. Like people will say our script's good and they'll say they enjoyed it, but like there's only one person that was like you're talented and it was actually a friend of ours. But it doesn't mean you're not talented. Just don't say that's what we're getting at is that just because they don't say it doesn't I think we can wrap this up. No, I was going to say last thing though is is it also um even in the job market like no one's going to be like that was a great resume. Yeah. like you know you're amazing and I mean unless someone's like really nice they might say this but like you're amazing and you're definitely going to find a role even if it's not this one like that you're not good because people aren't telling you I just think yeah like just because you aren't hearing it doesn't mean it's not true like you can tell yourself so but but weird to say because when you do get feedback that you are good on something it's very validating that you know but yeah it's true that yeah but yeah thanks for listening that's how we navigate comparison. Yeah. And like I said, you know, it's good to be like two things. I don't know why I'm going back to that. I was just going to say I really liked earlier how we were saying two things can exist at once with comparison. Like you can be happy for someone else and also like you can be happy for someone else and also the biggest sibling vibe I think is just that you're like let me just happy for you happy for someone else and also want more for yourself. Like that's okay. Yeah. Both are fine. Yeah. Thank you for listening. for listening guys to our comparison rant. I'm going to make a Buffalo Bills day in the life vlog I think. Yeah. Go Bills. And I'm also going to go eat a cookie. Me too. I was thinking about balance. Do you want popcorn tonight? Yeah. Okay. Okay. We have a good night ahead. Um, good night everyone. Good night. Thanks for Toronto. Or good morning because I feel like this is posted in the morning. Yeah. Good night, good evening, good afternoon, whatever you're feeling. Thanks for listening. Yeah. Thanks everybody. Thanks for listening.